(This story comes from Bivushi Timilsina, Sweet Briar College ’27. It was adapted from a reflection essay originally published in the Sweet Briar College Sharing HERspective column on October 30, 2023.)

At the University of Virginia’s Democracy360 conference, I found myself in a room full of students, faculty, and staff. These were people I had never met before, and we were about to participate in a training session called “Fostering Dialogue Skills,” hosted by the Constructive Dialogue Institute. I didn’t know it then, but that half-day experience would leave a lasting mark on how I understand communication, leadership, and my role in creating a more inclusive campus.

We began with an icebreaker: describe your day in six words. I went with something light: “I had so many donuts today.” It felt small, even silly, but somehow that simple sentence opened the door to connection. It reminded me that dialogue doesn’t always begin with grand debates. It starts with human moments.

As the session unfolded, we explored the idea of constructive dialogue—conversations where people with different views listen to understand each other, without trying to win or persuade. It struck a chord with me. So often, especially in college environments, we feel pressure to argue well, to be “right,” or to stay silent to avoid conflict. But here was an approach that invited us to stay grounded in our values while still making space for others.

We learned five core principles: shifting from a winning mindset to a learning one, asking genuine questions, sharing personal stories, seeking common ground, and listening actively. These weren’t just abstract ideas. We practiced them through hands-on games and activities, including something called the “complaint game.” At first, it seemed humorous, but it quickly revealed how empathy and listening can defuse even the most frustrating tensions.

One framework that particularly stuck with me was the six moral foundations: fairness, loyalty, care, authority, sanctity, and liberty. Understanding that people make decisions based on different moral priorities helped me let go of judgment and lean into curiosity. Instead of asking, Why would someone think that? I started asking, What values are driving that belief?

Since returning to campus, I’ve started noticing shifts in how I approach difficult conversations. Whether it’s in class discussions, group projects, or even casual conversations among friends, I find myself less reactive, more curious, and more committed to building bridges rather than walls.

Professor Tracy Hamilton, who brought me and my peers to this training, has been a huge inspiration. Her belief in the power of dialogue and her commitment to giving students opportunities like this one have had a ripple effect. I now see dialogue not just as a skill to learn, but as a mindset to carry forward in college, in my career, and in every community I’m part of.

This experience didn’t just teach me how to communicate better. It gave me a new way to lead.